Why Did I Stay Alone In My House for Weeks and Why Was I Perfectly Happy About It?

walkI live in the picturesque town of Ubud.

Here spiritual seekers and eat-pray-lovers flock from all around the world.

Each of them has his or her own take on life – often carefully crafted and only sometimes authentic and unique.

And I have very little patience for pretence – trained as a theatre director, it doesn’t take me too long to detect it.

As soon as I realised that I had begun pretending myself (aka living inauthentically), I withdrew and spent weeks in my house alone, only escaping to the gym.

Don’t get me wrong: I wasn’t depressed or upset.

I did it because I know that…

Authenticity does not derive from interacting with others.

Authenticity is neither produced nor created.

Authenticity is always there. In you. In me.

Authenticity manifests when you are connected with yourself.

The only way to connect with oneself is by spending time in solitude – be it through meditation, writing or simply going out for dinner alone.

I am an extremely friendly and outgoing guy but I need my own space only to then be able to leave my house and remain truly myself (rather than pick up a social mask and be okay with it).

I have noticed that when I hang out with people for too long, I start living their stories – voluntarily or involuntarily. It might also be because I am a writer and director and accordingly have a passion for good stories.

However, I want to engage in other people’s stories empathically rather than sympathetically.

Authentic interaction to me is staying in my own truth and remaining 100% present, which does not mean 100% involved.

If that takes three weeks of solitude, then I am fine with it.